Twins

I think about things like this every so often but I try not to because then I feel like a spoiled, ungrateful child. But, I've thought about writing a book called "Confessions of a Mother of Twins" and including things like this in it:

Tonight one of the boys (we won't use names) has a fever - wipe your tear away and continue reading. The other boy got treated to dinner alone with mom and dad. I haven't had such a relaxing meal since they were born. Seriously, is that what all of you parents of singletons experienced with your first? A quiet dinner with actual conversation between husband and wife and loving looks and occasional input from your adorable child? Without two to prevent from falling out of their chairs or spilling their food all over the carpet we hardly knew what to do with ourselves. In fact, a child who normally constantly tests our limits and patience was a total delight.

We had Teddy G*rahams for dessert, dipping their tiny heads into glasses of milk before decapitating them with our teeth. Then Josh got out his guitar and I felt a tap on my leg as I did the dishes. My boy wanted to dance with me while Josh played the guitar. All of this took place by the glow of twilight due to the onset of Daylight Savings Time. We read the scriptures together, read a story together, sang a song, then Josh and I didn't know what to do. We usually each take one boy to put down but tonight neither one of us wanted to leave and let the other one put the him to bed. So I left, Josh sang him some songs and then he asked me to come in and I sang him a couple more.

I said, "We had a nice night together, didn't we?" And he replied, "Yeah. I go to bed now." It was as easy as that.

I think I actually tasted my dinner tonight. I didn't feel the need to relax tonight with TV and a treat because I was already relaxed! I am so grateful that I have two children and that they are out of infancy, feeding themselves and generally entertaining themselves for long periods of time, but every time I get a taste of what it's like to have just one child to take to the grocery store and fit them into the cart instead of piling stuff into the stroller basket, to have just one child to read a story to, just one to chase down in a parking lot, just one to talk to during dinner, I just about die.

We are thinking about when to try to have another baby. For us that means planning at least 3 months ahead of when I would actually want to get pregnant, researching facilities' success rates, and saving up or taking out loans. It means a chance of having twins again and a chance that it won't work at all. I would have twins again and be happy to have the children any way I can get them, but after nights like tonight I really hope to experience having just one at a time.

Am I allowed to say that? Will I have to delete this from the hard record so my boys never see it and never doubt my love and gratitude for them? They are each so precious, so special, so adorable that sometimes it hurts I love them so much. They have my heart wrapped around their little fingers and I wouldn't want it any other way. So, I don't want them to think they ever caused me any unpleasantness, but, um, sometimes they do. What do you think?